p.e.t.a. REEEALLY likes vegetables.

That's right! According to this commercial, they like vegetables so much that apparently, they want to have sex with them.



In this uber-banned commercial that was slated to play during this year's superbowl, lingere-clad beauties "go veg" with various ground-grown food items.

First, to emulate a scene from Con Air:

Define...irony. Bunch of idiots use women as pieces of meat to sell the idea that eating meat is wrong.

Hmmm.

Second, "studies show...vegetarians have better sex"? How in the hell do you perform that kind of study, and who the hell performs that kind of study?
A "study", PETA, does not constitute Pamela Anderson coming to you and saying "Hey! I just had an all nighter with these two guys. One was a vegetarian and he was totally better the other guy."

Here's a study for you. According to Dr. Christopher Longcope of the University of Massachusets, men who do not have a regular protein intake are at risk of lowered testoterone, causing a decline in sexual function. In addition it damages bones and lowers red blood cell counts. (Source:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/613396.stm)

While PETA envisions a world where the deer and bunny rabbits frolic in the meadow, and "veg" men and women have earth-shattering sex, the reality of that world is that men will be limp puddles on the ground while women have orgies in the produce aisle.

So PETA, enjoy your "vegtiality". I on the other hand can not let your idiocy stand and must fight fire with fire. So take this...



Wow, I can't believe I got though all of this without a "vegetarians just need a little meat" joke...damn.

Random Film of the Week: The Usual Suspects

At the helm: Bryan Singer
The players: Gabriel Byrne, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Spacey, Benicio Del Toro, Kevin Pollak
The year: 1994

It all starts with a line-up, and you know from the very beginning that one of these five guys is going to screw over the other four. Who could it be, the hard-edged leader with a heart of gold, the grease-monkey angry at the world, the trigger-happy nut job, the Spanglish-speaking smooth operator, or the quiet cripple. It's all about your power of observation, a theme that runs rampant throughout the film.

Bryan Singer's classic mystery taunts it audience, daring them to try and figure out who the villain really is. The villain comes in the form of Keyser Soze, a mythical butcher used as a spook story for criminals everywhere. The police can't exactly prove that he exists, but they can't exactly prove that he doesn't exist either. However, when his name pops up through the grapevine in a drug deal gone bad, the only person with any chance of knowing his identity is a crippled con-man played by Spacey. The film chronicles the story of five well known criminals leading up to their last fateful job together, and the aftermath that ensues.

What I like most about this movie is that it makes you feel involved, you get a brief dossier and sketch of every single character, and you have the opportunity to try and work it all out before the cops on screen do. From the beginning you know what happens. A cloaked figure descends upon one of the main characters and puts two bullets in his head. You see that the figure smokes, speaks clear English, holds his gun at a funny angle, and that his victim recognizes him. From there it's on you to figure it out. But let me say that it's hard to see the truth coming, little things peak you attention, but in the end it's just a distraction for the mind-blowing twist.

The film's got a great cast. Gabriel Byrne, post pea-soup vomit. Stephen Baldwin, about the time he was going batshit crazy, so his role wasn't much of a stretch. Finally Kevin Spacey, who got an Oscar for his role, and a deserved one at that. Spacey really sells the likability of his criminal character.

What kills this movie, as with most whodunits is it's replay value. Once you find out who Keyser Soze really is, it trumps the need for repeat watching, and if it doesn't do that, it at least robs it of its appeal. Not to say that it isn't a great film in its own right, but movies with gimmicks, like a big mystery and reveal, lose steam fast.

All in all though you can't beat some of the classic scenes in this movie, the line-up is probably one of the most ingenious ways of introducing characters and their personalities.

Affliction...or the douchebag nametag.

It's safe to say that you aren't a legitimate sporting franchise unless you have a clothinng line to back you up. A clothing line for the masses that says "Hey! I can't compete in this sport but I'm going to wear the clothes that make it look like I do!" Thus we have Affliction, a clothing line representing mixed martial arts and its fighters.

Yes these shirts feature a vast array of tatoo-like designs that wou were too afraid to get inked on your own body with "AFFLICTION" plastered in big gothic letters across the back or front. Yes these days having the word affliction across your body doesn't call attention to the fact that there is something wrong with you, it means you are tough. Truth be told you would probably have to be tough to overcome the grief in shilling out more than fifty dollars for a freaking t-shirt.

Bouncers, frat-boys, meat-heads, so-on so-forth, they all have at least one in their closet, and they all take every opportunity to wear it when they are in da club. These are the guys that think it's freaking tight to chug bombs at any minute so they can get that much closer to punching a wall, or regretibly someone's face.

Now, I try not to call out everyone that wears these things, there are some out there that appriciate the designs, which are pretty intricate. However, based on my own observations, in a college town no less, let me say that this kind of person represents a small minority of the surveyed population, so I won't be too merciful.

They wear the shirts about fifteen sizes too small so any arm, no matter how shapeless, looks like its packin' guns. Any man-boob becomes so compressed that they look like pecs of steel. Hell that's probably why they are so expensive, they'd have to be made of kevlar so they don't explode off of some nimrod's body from the pressure.

Browsing through the internet, I came across a Maxim article that shares my sentiments.

"If you don't own a tee like this, you've undoubtedly seen an ass-clown wearing one: emblazoned with a huge dragon, eagle, serpent, or other mythical beast, it's the douchebag shirt du jour, inspired by tattoo-art gear Von Dutch popularized a few years ago. The truth is, the only things these shirts scare away are girls who might actually have sex with you. For the love of God, cover up that creature!"

Granted, of the target demographic for these shrits, many who wear them could probably kick an ass or two, but that's not the point. These shirts have become the douchebag uniform, it makes it much easier to spot and avoid you, they turn you into walking punchlines.

I like MMA, I do, and the clothing line is co-owned by one pretty cool dude named Randy Couture, but he is the trendsetter, he gets a pass, plus HE ACTUALLY FIGHTS FOR A LIVING. The rest of the population that makes it a point to take out a loan to purchase these shirts and flaunt them are following in his bad-ass footsteps. You don't work as hard as he does and therefore, you don't get a fraction of the respect from me, only pity that it takes an expensive shirt to call attention to yourself.

So for you uber-douches out there, I present to you a theme song for your listening pleasure.

Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

The Good:
Story: It's truly inspirational and moving.
Appeal: Its ability to draw so many emotions keeps it fresh and interesting.
Camerawork: Danny Boyle never misses an opportunity to skew how he views the world from a lense.
Characters: You find yourself rooting for them, especially Jamal.
Music: AR Raman avoids sappy orchestra music and brings in a touch of Indian-infused techno with the lyrical stylings of M.I.A.

The Bad:
It ended.

The Plot: Jamal Malik is a young man born in the slums of Bombay, India, destined to live out the rest of his life in poverty. That is until he wins millions on India's version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However the police are suspicious of Jamal's ability to know all the answers. What transpires is the life story of a poverty stricken boy who's unique life gives him all the answers he needs to know to not just win the money, but the love of his life.

Though I hate to break down and use the phrase "the little movie that could", I can't help the fact that this movie is building up steam with audiences everywhere, and it rightfully should. Slumdog Millionaire is one of those rare films that sticks with you well after watching it. After my viewing, I subsequently purchased some of its score off Itunes, listened to Paper Planes by M.I.A. (one of my favorite songs anyway) about ten times, watched the trailer repeatedly on Youtube and started my own personal PR campaign for the flick, which explains why I'm using this film as my first review.

What Danny Boyle and writer Simon Beaufoy have done is create a film that inspires. It makes you feel good, a "feel good" movie if you will. Boyle didn't white-wash the movie as it happened with "21", where the real-life Asian card counters were replaced by pretty white people. He stuck with Indian characters in India where the true story came from. One added benefit in using foreign actors that you have never heard of is that it creates a sense of compassion for them, you don't have the cloudiness of previous roles interrupting your ability to root for them.

One prime example I have of this is having watched Righteous Kill and Spy Kids in the period of a few days, both of which feature Carla Gugino. In Righteous Kill Gugino is a forensic detective who gets off on practically being raped and in Spy Kids, shes a wholesome mother who happens to be a spy. Now how can I appreciate Gugino as a cool superspy mother of two when I can't break my thoughts of her getting rammed in the ass by Robert De Niro? Get my point?

Hollywood and American filmmakers needs to embrace new actors, or at least lesser known actors if they want some degree of compassion and interest from their audiences.

Back to the movie, what really works is its seamless blending of Boyle-esqe camerawork, great music, and structure. One thing that had me concerned with the film was that we were going to have to practically sit through an episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However the fact that he is on the show really has no relevance to the main plot. It's really the point of transition for Jamal's life story. Each question highlights a part of Jamal's life be it tragic, humorous, or uplifting. The fact that he is on a game show for money and the fact that he wins it is honestly of no real importance. It's all about the love a good woman.

Dev Patel and Freida Pinto have a great chemistry. the likes of Leo and Kate in Titanic (yes I just name-dropped Titanic). Their love seems genuine and its stays that way all through their childhood as different actors portray Jamal and Latika through different stages of their lives.

As said the camerawork is a treat to watch, but what else would you expect from Danny Boyle. In addition, you can always expect an intriguing score from a Boyle film and AR Raman delivers with fast-paced electronic tracks with an infusion of Indian sound that make scenes that much more exciting. The inclusion of M.I.A. is also welcome since I will never get sick of Paper Planes, which is also featured in the movie.

Wrapping up, I can only say that I wish I would have had the opportunity to see Slumdog Millionaire last year so it could be at the top of my list of films for 2008, but nonetheless it is a pleasure to watch.

Grade: A

Where do we go from here.

So after much lolly-gagging and so forth I've decided to start my own blog in the hopes that someone sees it, gives me a job and I go buy a Corvette or something. How that will come to pass? I don't know but I'm not one for details. Anyway, my plan is to write about stuff, like I said not one for details.

OK so the "stuff" will probably sit in the form of movie reviews, film recommendations, videos that tickle my fancy, stuff I read about in the news, fairly ignorant opinions on politics and poking fun at the all around stupidity of humanity.

So that's it, that's all there is, there is no more. So enjoy it, and if you hate it, that's OK, it means you are reading it.